Tips meant for the Frequent Flying Foreigner

Warning: This article may offend some people. I don’t hate anyone from any place, I love all my Muslim brothers and sisters. I’m just offering some honest truth-take it and get over yourself.

1. Don’t wear such heavy cologne.

If I have to sit next to you for a +10 hour flight, could you not wear such a strong cologne. Not only does it make the person nauseous but the whole plane too. It makes me think that its their nonverbal way of telling others, where they are from. If you have ever met someone from the gulf region, you know they have a distinctive smell. Its like a mix of musk, Gucci cologne and an unknown scent. Kind of like that mystery lollipop flavor that you sometimes come across in a bag of dum dums. Its the same in the African regions and don’t get me started with the Indian and Pakistani men, they don’t even have to wear a cologne because you cant smell it over the bareyani dish from their last meal. No offense to any of those areas, but really a shower and deodorant will suffice.

2. Follow the airline rules.

Just because the flight attendants and the staff on the airlines are also Muslim or from your same country, doesn’t mean you disregard the rules on the airplane. Don’t get up when the flight attendants tell everyone to sit down and don’t go around the airplane looking for someone to chit chat. I’m sure that there might be someone from your neighborhood on the plane, but do you have to stand and block the aisle while you talk to them for over an hour. Your ass is in my face and I’m trying to sleep. I have no problem with people talking to each other when they are sitting next to each other on the airplane, but you are talking loud to the guy behind me that you don’t sit next to, and you just met. If a majority of the people on the plane are sleeping and all the lights are off, its safe to say that its not time to start talking and making friends. Moral of this tip: Be courteous and use your indoor voice.

3. Don’t always try to hit on the girl next to you.

I get it, you’re looking for a wife. But does that mean that you have to talk to every girl sitting next to you on a flight. Maybe you are just being nice and want to play 20 questions. But how about just giving up your arm rest, moving when they have to use the restroom, giving them the window seat and waking them when dinner time comes…see that’s being nice. Now if you want to get to know someone on a flight, then at least be smart about it. Don’t just jump into a conversation with asking them about their life story and trying to throw in the question about whether they are married or not. Buddy, you are not the first person to do it, it doesn’t work. And please don’t switch places with your mom so that she can interrogate us. If you find that when you return from the bathroom or look away for a second and we put on some headphones, this is what it really means. (a) We are pretending to listen to music so you don’t talk to us and/or (b) This conversation is over and this song rocks! My advice to the single and looking group of flyers who want to find their potential other half on a 10 hour flight to Jordan: be yourself. And ladies, don’t forget your headphones on your next international flight.

4. Don’t BYOSD (Bring Your Own Side Dishes)

Unless you are flying first class, chances are your food will be disgusting. In some cases you get lucky and get a great tasting pudding to go with your meal. Its part of flying internationally, you get food that looks like a microwave dinner but tastes ten times worse. But, what I cant understand is how the TSA let people come on board with cucumbers, makhala (pickeled vegetables) and hummus. Hummus…really?! Wouldn’t that be considered a liquid? All of a sudden the guy next to you has pulled out his own side dishes, humus and khubuz (bread) to add to the not so delicious dinner. Not only do we have to deal with the food they give us, but now its like were having this huge picnic 30,000 miles in the air. I have the older lady on my left eating cucumbers she grabbed from her carry-on and the guy to my left getting humus out of his pocket. I love hummus like the next Palestinian but there is something about mashed potatoes and hummus on top that just doesn’t click for me. Snacks are great but bringing a dinner enough for 10 is going a little bit overboard. My advise: Ditch the stuff that smells too strongly and not too much that you cant fit all your food on the tray in front of you. People don’t take kindly to other people using their tray when they are napping…but you should know that already.

Finally where ever you are going in the world you need to make sure that you:

(a) say Bismillah

(b) Make the duaa for traveling

(c) Follow my other tips above

And just remember, you are not the only one flying on that plane. Common courtesy would be nice.

5 Reasons Why it Sucks to be Muslim in America

Being a Muslim in America sucks. Plain and simple. It has nothing to do with the country or state itself, but after September 11th, it seems as though its just harder to be  a Muslim in a country that at times does not seem very welcoming.

1. Being Discriminating Against. It doesn’t matter where you’re from if you “look” like your from a country where a Moeslum (by the way its not spelled or pronounced that way so stop saying it like that) is from then you face discrimination, stereotyping, injustice etc. You may even just be a convert to Islam, and have blue eyes and blonde hair- it doesn’t matter. As soon as you put on that kufi or hijab, you are considered a foreigner. According to The Pew Forum on Religion and Public Life released a poll in September showing that Muslims are thought to suffer more discrimination than any other U.S. religious group, by a wide margin. Being discriminated against stinks, the only advantage of people hating,  is that people don’t want to sit next to me on the train. Yay to more leg room!!

2. The #$%@ing TSA. Seriously, do I have to be patted down each time I’m going to fly. I had nothing to do with the attacks on September 11th, so why I am treated like a criminal? I say pat down everyone. At least be fair about it. The last time I was flying out of DIA my sister and I (who both happen to wear scarves) both were taken aside for “random screening”. The lady that was behind me asked the TSA guy if she had to go to the side as well but he answered that she didnt because it was a random selection. Bullshit! If these security systems are as great as they claim them to be, then there would be no reason you have to pat me down or pat down my scarf. Seriously?! What do they think I have under my scarf, a supersoaker? (That would be awesome)

3. People Assume You Are From Some Foreign Country. I just dont know what it is about people assuming that just because your Muslim that you are from another country. The truth of the matter is that the majority of Muslims do not live in the Middle East. Just because the US is at war with Iraq and Afghanistan (for God knows what reasons) doesn’t mean that every Muslim is from Iraq or Afghanistan. I have also had people that because they have traveled to some Middle Eastern country then that means you must be from there too. I just find it a reason for them to talk to me about their latest vacation. No Im not from Morocco, and no I dont care that you just came back from there! I should just be mean and start making up countries when people ask me where Im from. Like Agraba (Alladin), Islamistan, Camel-lots, Arabistan, and the list can go on :D.
4. American Muslims and Muslims Overseas (Yes, there’s a difference). Not all Muslims are the same. There is no way you can possibly put all Muslims under the same umbrella. Muslims share the same faith, but culture can (unfortunately) have an effect on how a person practices their religion. Customs, traditions and even how they dress is dependent on the region of the Muslims. As a Muslim American i do not condone any types of oppressive acts and injustices done by other Muslims overseas. Dont stop me in the middle of the grocery store to ask me about the war in Iraq or sharia law.  Muslims in the US have to  deal with a bunch of idiots overseas that choose to do things that are conflicting and contradictory to the religion and to make it worst do it in then name of Islam. To sum it up: I am not responsible for what happens overseas that go against my religion, so dont associate what happens there with Muslims in the US.

5. The Death Stare. Do I have something in my teeth? No, probably not but I did just eat a bowl of Malakeya (that green soup we eat). But for some reason I was the only one who was raised with the rule that staring is NOT polite. Seriously. Do you really think that I wouldnt notice you staring at me? You’re standing right in front of my in the line at the grocery store (crazy ppl shop there!). I dont know how many times i have just wanted to scream at these people and say WHAT?! ARE YOU STARING AT?! And then walk away. I dont know if its because Im the first Muslim women you have ever seen, frankly that makes no sense. Or maybe I just look so good looking that you couldnt help it. Must be that! I do however have a solution to this issue…its quite simple..you stare back! Try it. Give them the death stare back and just sit there waiting, they will quickly turn their head away. Problem solved.

Regardless of how hard it can be, I am proud to be Muslim and I couldnt see myself living anywhere else but here.